Remember that one time you started a blog...

I suck. I never commit to anything (like a paragraph or a thought). I've always thought that I was a little bit good at a whole lot of stuff; I'm not really good at any one thing. I think that has a lot to do with why I don't finish things.

Also... I'm a perfectionist.

So here I am, writing an entry in my blog. Why? Because I created a blog so the least I can do is update it every so often. I missed the entire month of March without a post. Time to make up for it by spamming my blog with a bunch of crap. Again, I'm a perfectionist so you can probably understand how hard this is for me.

What make it a little easier (posting crap) is drilling through this big, egotistical head of mine and driving home a point of fact that I choose to ignore because... well... I have an ego. The point of fact? Nobody reads my freaking blog anyway. So post away, crap master. You won't be receiving any hate email or losing any followers - by the way, the preceding was self talk in case you didn't notice.

Back to the crap...

What's going on in my boring life? I have a beautiful daughter (and wife). I just moved from a 2x2 to a 3x3. I haven't golfed in a long time (way too long, more crying later), I'm working graveyard. I'm writing music again (at least what passes for music for the average E-tarded teenager). I'm learning about 3D art/animation. I'm reading a new fantasy series - A Song of Ice and Fire.

OK, so my life isn't so boring to me. Actually, I happen to love my life. With exception to the golf neglect, I've been getting enough sleep and I feel really fulfilled with my family and my hobbies. There is a little thing in my head that has been driving me crazy. I can't really point it out but it goes a little something like this...

I think I want to create something. I create things all the time, like this crappy blog post or some amateur 3D render. Those creations are kind of small and insignificant. I want to create something big. For those who are super familiar with my work (all two of you, one of them being me), you might raise you hand and say I have already done that either with my photography stint with the Longs Drugs Challenge or with Jenny Rosales' official website. I admit; at the time, I felt those were big accomplishments. The problem is I feel they were off the back of talent from another source... like the LPGA or Jenny.

I want to create something big and important and meaningful and well known to a lot of people (not a nuclear explosion). Like a novel or a 3D animated short film. The problem is that I suck. I never commit to anything. Novels and films take a lot of work. I have some great ideas floating round my head but I never get around to letting them out. Also, I'm only a little bit good and a whole lot of stuff.

So now I'm back where I started. I'm thankful for my life: great family, fun hobbies, tolerable job. I'm just going to suck it up and learn to live without that great important creation. Seriously, how many people actually get to do those kinds of things? I created Malia (with a little bit of help from the wife). She's small, but she's important and meaningful and well known to at least my family. She's pretty freaking cute, too.

Back to the golf...

Seriously, I shoot a 90 for the best score of my life and then spend the next 6 months golfing only once (and losing the family trophy in the process). If I go golfing today, I'll be lucky to break 110. Is it too much to ask for 1 round every 2 weeks? I need to keep up my game.

FYI, I just did my first spell check and every word is spelled correctly... except for E-tarded. But I invented that word. It's short for Retarded on Exstasy. And I just spelled Ecstasy wrong.

It's not the money. Golf here in the Bay Area is relatively cheap. It's the time and energy required. Golf takes about 5.5 hours out of my life. I spend 9 hours with work, 6 hours sleeping and the rest of the time, I spend with my girls. I suppose I could golf when I get off work but then I have the energy factor to consider.

If I golf in the morning then work that night, I find it really hard to stay awake past 1am. Then around 3am, I get the most painful cramps in my calves - OK, I admit I don't really have anything worth calling calves. I normally call them chicken legs but I call them calves here so you can have a good anatomical point of reference regarding the source of my pain. I can't just say cramps without the anatomical reference or you may think I am having Pre Menstrual Symptoms... which I am not because I am a dude - and in my triceps. I can't work very well half asleep and in too much pain to walk.

So I guess the only day I can golf would be Thursday morning. My father-in-law is here Thursday mornings to watch Malia while Mama is working and Dada is sleeping. If I skip out on the sleep and golf instead, I'll be tired. But that's OK because I won't have to work that night. That is my best option.

Sleep... or Golf. See how good my life is? This is about how tough my decissions get. I guess I truly am a blessed dude... a little lucky, too.

Until next time...